Hostage Situation Resolved

Dateline Edmonton

The ongoing drama of the kidnapping and ransom of Dougy the Duck was resolved to the satisfaction of all parties Tuesday morning.

The story, which has not been called the news item of the year by several disinterested sources, began on Saturday when Dougy was part of a family celebration. When the duck's owner, an Elizabeth Brianna, got back home she noticed that the duck was not among her things. She thought nothing of it as the duck often went missing, sometimes for days at a time, so she went to bed without it.

The next day her parents, Rachelle and Nik, revieved the following email:

Dear Lizzie,

This is Lynzie.

Do you love your Dougie? I thought I might let you know that I’m hold Dougie ransom. He is just way too cute and way too cuddelly. Don’t try to rescue him as I have him closely guarded by my watch dog Tuffie.

If you want him back, here’s what you’re going to have to. Take two (not one!!!!) cookies (chocolate chip) and place them in a white bag. Tuesday at Great Gramma’s, place the bag in my shoes at the door and walk away. Do not look back!!! At some point during the day, Dougie will be returned to you.

Your loving Cousin Lynzie!!!

The sender of the email, also believed by authorities to be the perpetrator of this not very heinous crime, was believed to be Lynzie "The Cookie Monster" Smith-Jones. Police are reported to believe that this is a fake name. The email included disturbing pictures that we are now gleefully publishing.



The pictures included an image of a Blue Heeler, likely the "Tuffy" mentioned in the email.

Lizzie's parents, operating in her stead, began negotiations. These negotiations are reported to have been tense, and we can exclusively reveal the following leaked email from what could be the most intense period of these negotiations.

Dear Lizzie,

I am not a monster. I am a professional. To alleviate some of your concern, the attached picture is dated showing that Dougie is still alive and well. I’ve even untied him to show my sincerity.

Don’t test me!! It’s morning time and I haven’t had breakfast yet and Mom took too long to change my poopie bum, so I’m grumpy. Do what I ask and all will be returned in good time.

Love,
Lynzie

This "Mom" is still considered a person of interest in this case.

Negotiations concluded in time for an exchange on Christmas day. While all parties have remained mute on the terms it is believed that ranson was 2 cookies, although there is some confusion over whether these cookies were raisin or chocolate. The duck, reported to be in fine condition, was returned forthwith.

While Police are still investigating, the family of Lizzie have released the following statement.
"We are glad to have are friend and duck Dougy returned safely. Although we understand there are many questions, we wish to put this whole incident behind us and move on with our lives"

It is unknonwn whether there will ever be criminal charges on the case.

Nik F. Wierdside Press